Some dirty jokes

There are two types of people in the world: Those who love dirty jokes and those who say they don't but are lying.


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  1. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
  2. "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
  3. "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
  4. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
  5. A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband, and says, "I shaved down there; you know what that means." The husband responds, "Yeah, the drain is clogged."
  6. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
  7. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts."
  8. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
  9. "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
  10. What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
  11. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? "Thanks for coming!"
  12. What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
  13. What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.
  14. What did the leper say to the sex worker? "Keep the tip."
  15. What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
  16. How is playing bridge similar to sex? If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

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